This is about an event from 2 years ago, and why I made my new Cursed Server album, "Freeki's Revenge", now available for pre-order for $5: https://cursedserver.bandcamp.com/album/freekis-revenge
And here's the new single Body Clock: https://cursedserver.bandcamp.com/track/body-clock-single-edit
Video Version of this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WLA7XrUqqA
June 5th, marks the 2-year anniversary of when I almost took my life, but a group of co-workers and close friends stopped me and called the police to take me to the psyche ward, where I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). It still haunts me to this day, because I miss every one of those friends. This goes into one of the big reasons why I decided to make this Cursed Server album.
It wasn't until last year when I decided to get therapy for it, and I pushed those friends away in 2019, they kept telling me to get therapy, one even said I might have BPD. I just thought after my years of experience with (the wrong) professionals, therapy was just like a joke to me. But, I had to find the right psychologist to help me learn more about myself, and how the mind works. I can't stress how important therapy is and how it saved my life.
I took CBT/DBT sheets and that helped get me out of my suicidal thoughts in 2019, so that was a start. I still wish I could take back everything I did and said, but this album is for them, and for me. For everything they did to try and help me, and to make anyone with BPD more self-aware, to prevent them from doing things I did, so they can use this music to reach out for help, to identify with it.
The truth is, "Freeki's Revenge" is about the mindset I was in, about what it's like to have BPD (minus the murderous thoughts). I've overcome a lot of it from back then, but I was always scared of losing people, fear of betrayal, fear of getting close to people. I kept feeling lost and like I didn't belong, feeling bad every time I lashed out at someone after they screwed me over once.
Some of them came back later, and I realized I was wrong to push them away, but to realize we all make mistakes, that we all have different sides, that no one's perfect, and I was being too harsh, and was trying too hard to escape reality I needed to face. The album was also inspired by when last year, a chunk of my family painted me to be a monster without hearing my side of the story, which only made my BPD worse.
I won't explain all of the lore, but a summary of it. The album will have tracks that explain the lore better, and how it parallels with my life, but more twisted.
It follows a magic-wielding forest temple monk named Freeki, set in the distant future. His clan wears masks, and lead traditional old world lives. But, he doesn't like this, and wonders about the outside world, rebelling, exiled for questioning what already exists. He goes soul-searching by traveling to the cyberpunk city of Xero City, going through different jobs, discovering the outside world, and even makes a good friend.
One night, that good friend betrays him, kills him with a stab in the back in the streets. Now a ghost, Freeki at this point has fully developed BPD, afraid of trusting others, and plots revenge against the ancestor of his "friend". With his magic, he goes back in time and makes a pocket dimension, making a cursed EP record with strange music (the debut Cursed Server EP), to lure people in and gain enough soul magic to escape into the past.
He finally lures in John Dover, the ancestor of his killer, but John escapes the dimension, and Freeki eventually follows after getting enough soul magic. He possesses the body of one of John's friends, and eventually betrays them. In the end though, as Freeki gets to know John, he realizes we're all just human, and we all are hurting, and what he's trying to do isn't right either.
The album has been a work in progress for 2 years, and originally started as a project for therapy, for myself, with the help of my friend Aika Intong, and @ Meii_ma (artist) on twitter. Aika helped me solidify his design and originally went under the project name Freeki, a secret project in hiding from my stalker, who lead me to suicidal thoughts 2 years ago. But I decided not to hide anymore. This album has been about my road to recovery as well.
So I hope you all enjoy the album when it comes out everywhere on July 16th. It'll only be $5 on Bandcamp for a month when it comes out. Love you guys, thank you for your immense support.